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In Memory Of Baby Hooks #2
Born Into Heaven, April 1997
During the next four long years, we prayed and hoped for a baby. Haley was five and we weren't getting any younger. Mike was finally through with seminary. We had gone to school for so many years, and now Mike was the Music and Youth Director at the First Baptist Church in our town. Every month we hoped and every month no baby. We did all the normal things, the daily temperature taking and the ovulation kits, etc. Nothing seemed to help us conceive.
Then in April 1997, the waiting paid off. I found out I was pregnant again but I hadn't gone to the doctor yet. My friend's Mom asked me to go with her on a trip to Boston - I considered not going because of being pregnant but hated to let her down. I don't know if staying home would have helped, but that's something only God knows. That's one of the hardest things about miscarriage, no matter how it happens or what you do or don't do, you still wonder "what if?".
We flew out on a Thursday and had a great time for several days. On Monday I started to ache and spot a little. I immediately laid down and stayed there but it didn't help. The next day the pains increased and so did the bleeding and I miscarried on Tuesday. We had scheduled a drive to Maine the next day and talked about not going but I thought the trip would do me good. I remember sitting and looking at the lighthouses and the ocean and how soothing it was. I had time to think and pray, and tried to work out the feelings of guilt, heartbreak, and fear. I felt the one thing I was supposed to be able to do, my body wouldn't let me achieve. I knew that I had to go home and face Mike, feeling like I had let him down again.
Mike is so strong and so understanding and he very seldom ever cries or shows his feelings to anyone. When I got home though, we talked and I cried. He made me feel better because he didn't place any blame on me. Once again, it just seemed it wasn't our time to have a baby. We decided to trust God and keep looking forward . God had another little angel in heaven and we were left with the hope that we would someday have another baby to hold.
Please go ahead to page three and learn about Baby 3.