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In Memory Of Baby Hooks #1


May

Born Into Heaven, May 23,1993


I always thought having a family would come easily. I knew the steps and the right way to do it - get married first, then have children. It all seemed so simple and I knew it was going to happen just like that. Besides, we were Christians, going into full time Christian service. God would surely bless us and quickly. I was so wrong. God's plans and ours are not always the same.

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Mike and I were married in 1988. We were both in college. After we graduated, Mike went to seminary and I went to work teaching school. We were married a few years before we decide to start our family. We started trying and the first year went by with no baby. Every month, we just knew I would be pregnant but then nothing. About halfway through the second year, the nurse at the school where I taught recommended seeing a great doctor that she knew, to see if there might be a problem. As it turned out the problem was that I never knew when I ovulated. It wasn't every month and wasn't the same time every month. She said that the chances of getting pregnant without help were very slim.

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I started taking low doses of Clomid, a fertility drug. This caused me to ovulate regularly and after six months, we were pregnant. The pregnancy was great and very uneventful and on December 7, 1992, we delivered a beautiful, bouncing baby girl. She weighed in at nine pounds and eight and a half ounces. We named her Haley Nicole. We assumed again that the rest of our children would be just like this, easy. We were mistaken again.

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In March of 1993, only three months after Haley was born, I found that I was pregnant again. Although we hadn't planned to have another child so quickly, we were very excited. My first visit to the doctor was fine, other than the fact that when he did the sonogram he called the baby the “pregnancy,” as in "there's your pregnancy" rather than saying, "there's your baby.” I thought that was a little strange but I was new to this doctor and thought that maybe that was just the terminology he used, so I dismissed my uneasy thoughts.

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About a month later, May 22, I started to have some spotting and the next day I miscarried. The hardest thing about having the miscarriage at home was because we had to save the baby and take it with us to the doctor the next day for them to examine. I remember looking at it and I could see that it looked just like all the pictures I had seen in books, like a baby. We sat it in the kitchen and put a dishtowel over it so we didn't have to look at it. The next day we went to the doctor. After examining me, he said I was fine. I always think it's ironic that they tell you you're fine when you’re anything but that. I held myself together until the doctor visit was over, then we both went home and cried and tried to concentrate on Haley, trying to be so thankful for the baby we did have. Everyone, it seemed, tried to justify the miscarriage by telling us that something was probably wrong with the baby, it was better this way, or it wasn't meant to be. We were also told that there would be other children. Maybe there would be, but none would replace this baby. We also didn't know it would take so long to have another or be so difficult a road to travel.

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