Redneck Ode To Valentine's Day

Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud.
I hold my head high when we're out in a crowd.
On special occations, When you shave yore armpits,
Well. I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb out of my wits.

And speakin' of wits, You've got plenty fer shore.
"Cuz you married me back in '74.
Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.

Like a good role of duck tape yo're there fer yore man
To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can. Yo're as strong,
As a four wheeler Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug A-buzzin' overhead
You ain't mean like no far ant Upon which I oft' tread
Cut from the best pattern, Like a flannel shirt of plaid, you sparked
Up my life Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight, like a padded gun rack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, its perfection, like the best vinyl
Sidin'
Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin'

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy,
won't put you on blocks and let the grass grow up heavy.
Me'n you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drink,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy choccolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
Some men git roses, On that special day from the cooler at Kroger,
"That's impressive",I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds, from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, these will not do. For you are to special,
You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, Without taste nor oder,
Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor.

To go back to Love StoryClick Here
To go Back HomeClick Here

MORE REDNECK FUNNIES